Posted in Coping, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Personal Development, Positive Thinking

Quote Of The Day

“Our capacity to draw happiness from aesthetic objects or material goods in fact seems critically dependent on our first satisfying a more important range of emotional or psychological needs, among them the need for understanding, for love, expression and respect.” 

Alain De Botton
https://unsplash.com/photos/4bmtMXGuVqo

As always, thank you for stopping by. Have a happy day!

Posted in Communication, Motivation, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Self Improvement

How To Recognize Verbal And Emotional Abuse – Do You Know The Signs?

Photo by Kat Love on Unsplash

If someone treats you like crap, just remember that there’s something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don’t go around destroying other human beings.”

Unknown author

Psychological abuse, often called emotional abuse, is characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Wikipedia

Both Verbal abuse and Emotional abuse are insidious and may not always be easy to recognize. We often hear about Abusive relationships but they usually refer to Physical abuse. Physical abuse is what makes the headlines and what people are arrested for; that is what restraining orders are given for.

If you hear someone talking about their partner and how upset they are, they don’t know what to do and it is so difficult, you may ask what is wrong. When they try to explain it to you it may be difficult for them to express it in such a way that you will understand the trauma they are feeling. Quite often we may not take it seriously.

We may be inclined to think it is just someone having a bad day or going through a “rough patch” in their relationship which will pass by and everything will get better. It is easy for us to give them easy answers telling them it will get better, just give it a little time and then it is over in our mind; we move on. Sadly, we may never ask them about it the next time we see them or talk to them. Sadder yet is they may feel we do not care or they are embarrassed and don’t want to bring it up again.

Even worse is when they do not even realize themselves that anything is wrong. They never mention it, we do not see the effects it is having, and life and the abuse goes on.

When you start a new relationship everyone is on their best behavior.

https://unsplash.com/photos/b7naustT-1E

It is new and exciting. We are happy and we want it to work. It is very difficult to recognize someone who has the tendency to be abusive because they are very good at not showing that side of them when in a new situation. They will usually be on their best behavior when out in public.

” They may, in fact, speak very kind words to you.  And appear nothing but supportive to those around you.  Their covert abuse is administered in small, cunning ways over time.  So the impact is gradual, not fist-to-the-eye immediate.” Augusten Burroughs

As the relationship evolves that is when the abuse will slowly seep into our every day normal activities. Something as simple as not putting a dish in the sink or not putting the cap on the toothpaste is enough to be criticized for. We brush it off and try not to do it again. If we make light of it and make a laughing retort their response will be much stronger and turn it around to blame you. Something like, “Are you making fun of me ? How dare you laugh at me.” “This is serious, do as you’re told; don’t act like a child”.

As time goes by this type of verbal and emotional abuse will continue and get increasingly worse. It will be a progressive, continual process where you become gradually used to it, so much so that we do not even realize it is happening. We may secretly question it once in awhile but quickly brush it aside.

To the person who is being abused, especially long term, they do not truly recognize what has happened. They may not feel well sometimes, have headaches or problems with their overall well being. They may lose interest in doing things they once loved to do, they may lose friendships and not realize why. Things that were important before do not receive the attention they once did. You may lose or gain weight. You may get passed over for a promotion at work because you are no longer able to put in the same quality work effort.

Quite often the abused person ends up losing their self esteem; their self confidence is gone. A once vibrant person who was happy and enjoyed life slowly turns into someone who does not smile and may find it difficult to complete things they once thrived on doing. They may be the happiest, most secure, when they are home and away from other people. Sadly, they will likely feel dependent on the person that is the abuser. That is just what the abuser wants.

“Emotional violence is another kind of abuse … it’s not about words because an emotionally abusive person doesn’t always resort to using the verbal club, but rather the verbal untraceable poison”   – Augusten Burroughs

So how do you recognize that you are in this type of abusive relationship ? How do you end the relationship ?

Sadly, some people will never recognize they are in an abusive relationship. If someone else does not recognize the situation and step in to help them they may live the rest of their life with the same person and the same abuse.

Depending on the type of person you are, or used to be before the abuse, something may happen that makes you realize. It may trigger something inside you that you says’enough is enough”. I cannot live this way any longer.

Maybe you have a child and the abuser starts to abuse the child. You recognize what is happening and understand the effects. You could not see it in yourself but you can see it in your child.

Perhaps someone who cares does recognize that something is wrong. It could be a parent or family member trying to step in to help you. It could be your priest or minister who recognizes that something is wrong and questions you.

When that happens what do you do ? It will be different for each person and it may be a very difficult decision. You may want to try to “fix” it and that is certainly an option but one that should be taken with great care. If you want to fix it you should seek professional help for both people. Both people are broken at this point so they both need to be fixed. You may never know or understand why the person became an abuser and it may not be possible to fix them.

Quite often someone who has been abused long term will be “programmed” to the abuse and will have to guard against entering into another abusive relationship. That is another very good reason to seek professional help. You will need to understand the abuse, the cycle it takes, and the signs to look for. If you see them, you should run as fast a you can to get away from another abusive experience.

Usually, it is better to end the relationship and to do so quickly. Walk away and end all contact. It will be too easy to be drawn back in because the abuser is usually a master manipulator. They will know you well and they will know how to control you. Do not give them that opportunity. You may be fearful; particularly of the abuser. That is normal.

A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass, if you stay you will keep hurting. If you walk away, you will hurt but eventually you will heal.”

Autumn Kohler

Take back control of your life. Move if you have to, change your phone number and all your social media. Talk to your friends and family and tell them, beg them, not to give the abuser any information about you, nothing. Build a new life. Take time, be careful of your choices, and be happy.

You are starting a new chapter in your life and you are the one to decide what you want to do. What activity did you really like to do before ? Maybe you can do that again. Maybe it was something creative, like drawing, or physical, like Yoga. Do that or try something new. Go on vacation; where have you dreamed about going ?

When you are ready to talk about what happened; let it all out and get rid of it; just like throwing out the trash. By doing so you are also building something brand new. You. Maybe you can talk to a support group with other people who have experienced the same thing. Maybe a circle of really good friends, or just one, who you would be comfortable sharing you story. Maybe writing it all down in a journal if you are not ready to talk about it yet.

Be positive. You have an opportunity to rewrite your life. Something that most people will never have, or take the opportunity, to do. You are strong, you are a survivor. Congratulations.

Marc and Angel

As always, Thank You for reading my blog. Have a wonderful day.

This is an updated repost of Recognizing Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Posted in Coping, Learning, Life, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Potential

Fear – What Are You Afraid Of? Use Fear To Make Yourself Better

Photo by Peter Forster on Unsplash

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.”

— H. P. Lovecraft

People are capable, but we are afraid. We can deny it, but it is true.

Think about all the things you want to do, either in the past or right now. What excuses do you have for not doing them?

It’s easy to make excuses. We may not realize that we are afraid because we make all sorts of excuses, but at the core of the reasons, you will find fear.

Fear is a basic human emotion. Fear does protect us, but it also limits us. In today’s ever-changing world, there are many reasons to be fearful, but we cannot let that rule our life.

There are three types of fear: Illogical fear, healthy fear, and real fear.

Healthy fear is instinctual. I think of it as caveman fear. We automatically feel it when we are in a dangerous situation. It comes from the physical world and warns us of actual danger.

Real fear is a valid fear because it is associated with real-life events. We are fearful of death, pain, and change. We like to live a stable life, so we are afraid of the events that affect us in those ways.

Illogical fear is something we believe will happen, but there is no basis for it; it is made up in our mind. Most often, we are afraid of failure; we are scared of the unknown, and what someone else may think of you. We restrict ourselves by fearing something which in reality does not exist.

We can overcome our illogical fear by actually doing what makes us afraid. It takes work, but it is possible. There is nothing to be scared of; we are the ones who are allowing this kind of fear to control us.

If you are afraid of public speaking, make an action plan on how you can overcome that fear. You can take a class or practice in front of a mirror. Read your speech over and over until you are comfortable. Then ask a friend to critique you. You will be ready to tackle your first speech and you will have alleviated your fear.

Use irrational fear as an opportunity to grow. We all have our comfort zone, and irrational fear can keep us entrenched there. We need to work our way out of that. When we do, we will realize there was nothing to fear. We will gain the confidence to do other new activities.

Giving in to fear can take away opportunities and leave limitations in its place. Fear places boundaries and is a stepping stone to failure. Fear creates more fear.

No one wants to fail; it stings, but what we do not know, or we forget, is that when we fail, we have the opportunity to learn. You have probably heard many times that a failure is a tool we can use to become better. You pull back from the failure, dissect it, and use what you learned to move forward and do a better job the next time. Each time you fail, you can become better, stronger.

Fear is a powerful emotion and can keep us from achieving our goals and reaching our potential. When we learn to take a step back and think a moment and ask why we are afraid, hopefully, we will be able to discern the forgery staring back at us. Our fear is a figment of our imagination. Look fear straight in the face and laugh at it. Move forward into a new reality of your real ability.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

~ Nelson Mandela

As always, thank you for reading my blog. Be fearless today!

Posted in Coping, Excitement, Inspiration, Joy, Motivation, Positive Thinking, Potential, Self Improvement

Quote Of The Day

The most important thing is to enjoy your life — to be happy. It’s all that matters.

Audrey Hepburn
Photo by Mark Daynes on Unsplash

As always, thanks for stopping by today. Have a happy day.

Posted in Communication, Motivation, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Potential, Self Improvement

Blogging Is Like Therapy-How It Helps You View Your World

Photo by asim alnamat from Pexels

Really? No way, that is what I would have told you before starting my blog. It’s true though. By writing I have opened myself up to all sorts of ideas and different ways of looking at just about everything.

Writing makes you think and it makes you contemplate. Research is virtually an everyday occurrence which in turn opens you up to even more ideas.

When I am gaining knowledge about what I am researching I am also learning about myself. The topics I research tell me about myself and my reactions tell me even more.

Writing this blog allows me to share my thoughts and opinions. This is something that I did not have an outlet for before. I am an introvert, no way around that. It is just who I am.

When I was working in the business world I had to force myself to communicate well with people. It was something I learned to do because I had to. It was not something I was ever truly comfortable doing.

Strangely, even though I am definitely still an introvert, I miss having the interaction with other people. Strange. It does seems strange but it is true. Writing my blog allows me to have that interaction. I cannot see you, I cannot hear you but I am talking to you, just not verbally.

So that is therapeutic. It allows me to talk. Something I did not realize I missed or needed so much.

I have things to say. I have events, feelings and emotions to share. This is my outlet. This is my therapy.

More than the simple act of writing is the idea that I am being recognized. I have something to say, I have an audience and someone is listening. You see me, you hear me. I feel as if I have value.

https://www.pexels.com/@tookapic

I also am starting to write, attempting to write, articles or short stories. These stories are more about my own personal life experiences. They tell my story. My last attempt can be found here: https://medium.com/@lindalatt/panic-in-the-er-the-fear-and-terror-of-the-unknown-722513da811a?source=friends_link&sk=76b202b949769d8c145cc1c7692021e8

This story allowed me to go back and feel emotions that deeply affected me many years ago. I would love to have you read it and let me know what you think of my writing. It would mean a great deal to share that with you and to hear your thoughts.

See what I mean? Writing is therapeutic.

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

There are many events that happen to us in life that affect us deeply. We are very emotional creatures, we humans. Writing in any form allows us to take note of how we feel and to bring our emotions out a little at a time. Writing allows us to investigate our feelings.

Many of my blogs are more business related but they also talk about our personal interactions and feelings. They talk about our mindset and about personal growth and gratitude. One blog was about dealing with defeat. All of these are emotional for any of us. We react to them at work and they also affect our personal life.

Most of what I write I have experienced in one form or another. Writing about them has given me the opportunity to revisit those events and poke around a bit in my feelings and reactions.

Writing about our experiences allows us to look at things through a different lens. It can be enlightening.

Photo by Maurício Mascaro from Pexels

When writing about our past experiences we may become aware of something we did not recognize at the time. We did not see it clearly either because we did not take the time or it was painful and we pushed it away. If we ignore it then it will not hurt us. Oh, but it can!

Writing allows us to address issues created by something we chose to push aside which can lounge in the recesses of our mind and fester. Writing about these past experiences helps us clean house, dust out the attic. We all need to do that because we all have “stuff” we hang on to and we shouldn’t.

From my perspective I think writing is very therapeutic. Just randomly writing down your experiences and your feelings is a good practice. You can write it in a blog if you want or write it in a notebook or journal. If you choose to write in a blog, you never have to publish it. It can be your private personal record.

Everyone has wonderful feel good experiences you want to relive. We have the normal everyday ho-hum events which can be humorous and delightful. We may also have some gut wrenching life experiences that have deeply affected you, your family and perhaps your friends. Writing about them will allow you to document your life. *I am going to post one of my gut wrenching family stories this week, so stay tuned.

Writing will also allow you to analyse yourself. It gives you the opportunity to put your “stuff” in order, rearrange your thoughts and be a better person for it. It might be painful at times but in the end you will benefit from it.

A word of caution. If you have some really earth shattering events in your life, sure you can write about those but always realize you have more options available to you as well. Seeking professional help is always a good idea.

I do not know why but writing about something instead of just thinking about it and reliving it in our mind is somehow different. When we write down the words and see them on paper it makes our thoughts clearer. Maybe it makes them more real, I am not sure.

Maybe, it is because when we think about something we have a tendency to go over and over the same thing. Especially if it negative. It can feel like we have it on automatic re-wind.

The act of writing and seeing it on paper, or the white screen of our computer, helps us get rid of the attached emotions. It helps us move on so we don’t have to keep recycling the same old story.

Writing is a journey from what you think you know to new places in your mind and soul.

Linda Joy Myers

https://www.pexels.com/@rawpixel

Writing has been therapeutic for me and I hope it will be for you as well.

As always thank you for reading my blog. Have a great day.

Posted in Communication, Motivation, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Self Improvement

Recognizing Verbal & Emotional Abuse

Verbal abuse is when a person forcefully criticizes, insults, or denounces someone else. Characterized by underlying anger and hostility, it is a destructive form of communication intended to harm the self-concept of the other person and produce negative emotions. Wikipedia


Psychological abuse, often called emotional abuse, is a form of abuse, characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Wikipedia

Both Verbal abuse and Emotional abuse are insidious and may not always be easy to recognize. We often hear about Abusive relationships but they usually refer to Physical abuse. Physical abuse is what makes the headlines and what people are arrested for; that is what restraining orders are given for.

If you hear someone talking about their partner and how upset they are, they don’t know what to do and it is so difficult, you may ask what is wrong. When they try to explain it to you it may be difficult for them to express it in such a way that you will understand the trauma they are feeling. Quite often we may not take it seriously.

We may be inclined to think it is just someone having a bad day or going through a “rough patch” in their relationship which will pass by and everything will get better. It is easy for us to give them easy answers telling them it will get better, just give it a little time and then it is over in our mind; we move on. Sadly, we may never ask them about it the next time we see them or talk to them. Sadder yet is they may feel we do not care or they are embarrassed and don’t want to bring it up again.

Even worse is when they do not even realize themselves that anything is wrong. They never mention it, we do not see the effects it is having, and life and the abuse goes on.

When you start a new relationship everyone is on their best behavior.

It is new and exciting. We are happy and we want it to work. It is very difficult to recognize someone who has the tendency to be abusive because they are very good at not showing that side of them when in a new situation. They will usually be on their best behavior when out in public.

” They may, in fact, speak very kind words to you.  And appear nothing but supportive to those around you.  Their covert abuse is administered in small, cunning ways over time.  So the impact is gradual, not fist-to-the-eye immediate.” Augusten Burroughs

As the relationship evolves that is when the abuse will slowly seep into our every day normal activities. Something as simple as not putting a dish in the sink or not putting the cap on the toothpaste is enough to be criticized for. We brush it off and try not to do it again. If we make light of it and make a laughing retort their response will be much stronger and turn it around to blame you. Something like, “Are you making fun of me ? How dare you laugh at me.” “This is serious, do as you’re told; don’t act like a child”.

As time goes by this type of verbal and emotional abuse will continue and get increasingly worse. It will be a progressive, continual process where you become gradually used to it, so much so that we do not even realize it is happening. We may secretly question it once in awhile but quickly brush it aside.

To the person who is being abused, especially long term, they do not truly recognize what has happened. They may not feel well sometimes, have headaches or problems with their overall well being. They may lose interest in doing things they once loved to do, they may lose friendships and not realize why. Things that were important before do not receive the attention they once did. You may lose or gain weight. You may get passed over for a promotion at work because you are no longer able to put in the same quality work effort.

Quite often the abused person ends up losing their self esteem; their self confidence is gone. A once vibrant person who was happy and enjoyed life slowly turns into someone who does not smile and may find it difficult to complete things they once thrived on doing. They may be the happiest, most secure, when they are home and away from other people. Sadly, they will likely feel dependent on the person that is the abuser. That is just what the abuser wants.

“Emotional violence is another kind of abuse … it’s not about words because an emotionally abusive person doesn’t always resort to using the verbal club, but rather the verbal untraceable poison”   – Augusten Burroughs

So how do you recognize that you are in this type of abusive relationship ? How do you end the relationship ?

Sadly, some people will never recognize they are in an abusive relationship. If someone else does not recognize the situation and step in to help them they may live the rest of their life with the same person and the same abuse.

Depending on the type of person you are, or used to be before the abuse, something may happen that makes you realize. It may trigger something inside you that you says’enough is enough”. I cannot live this way any longer.

Maybe you have a child and the abuser starts to abuse the child. You recognize what is happening and understand the effects. You could not see it in yourself but you can see it in your child.

Perhaps someone who cares does recognize that something is wrong. It could be a parent or family member trying to step in to help you. It could be your priest or minister who recognizes that something is wrong and questions you.

When that happens what do you do ? It will be different for each person and it may be a very difficult decision. You may want to try to “fix” it and that is certainly an option but one that should be taken with great care. If you want to fix it you should seek professional help for both people. Both people are broken at this point so they both need to be fixed. You may never know or understand why the person became an abuser and it may not be possible to fix them.

Quite often someone who has been abused long term will be “programmed” to the abuse and will have to guard against entering into another abusive relationship. That is another very good reason to seek professional help. You will need to understand the abuse, the cycle it takes, and the signs to look for. If you see them, you should run as fast a you can to get away from another abusive experience.

Usually, it is better to end the relationship and to do so quickly. Walk away and end all contact. It will be too easy to be drawn back in because the abuser is usually a master manipulator. They will know you well and they will know how to control you. Do not give them that opportunity. You may be fearful; particularly of the abuser. That is normal.

Take back control of your life. Move if you have to, change your phone number and all your social media. Talk to your friends and family and tell them, beg them, not to give the abuser any information about you, nothing. Build a new life. Take time, be careful of your choices, and be happy.

You are starting a new chapter in your life and you are the one to decide what you want to do. What activity did you really like to do before ? Maybe you can do that again. Maybe it was something creative, like drawing, or physical, like Yoga. Do that or try something new. Go on vacation; where have you dreamed about going ?

When you are ready to talk about what happened; let it all out and get rid of it; just like throwing out the trash. By doing so you are also building something brand new. You. Maybe you can talk to a support group with other people who have experienced the same thing. Maybe a circle of really good friends, or just one, who you would be comfortable sharing you story. Maybe writing it all down in a journal if you are not ready to talk about it yet.

Be positive. You have an opportunity to rewrite your life. Something that most people will never have, or take the opportunity, to do. You are strong, you are a survivor. Congratulations.

As always, Thank You for reading my blog. Have a wonderful day.

Posted in Motivation, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Self Improvement

Bad Things Happen – Reject Negativity

“Do not let the memories of your past limit the potential of your future. There are no limits to what you can achieve on your journey through life, except in your mind.”

Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Bad things happen to all of us.  What I may consider a bad thing someone else may think, “that’s not so bad” and vice versa.  We each have our own story, our own life events, big & small, and our own perceptions and ways to deal with our “bad” things.

Sometimes we do not deal with them at all and just accept them which is a truly bad choice.  Ironically, I think we let the bad things affect us more than we do the good things.  We give them power, power over us. 

So what should we do ? 

First, I think we have to acknowledge that it happened.  It is amazing how we can ignore “stuff” and push it into a corner somewhere.  Why do we do that ? 

“Thwarting emotions is not good for mental or physical health. It’s like pressing on the gas and brakes of your car at the same time, creating an internal pressure cooker”.   From <http://time.com/5163576/ignoring-your-emotions-bad-for-your-health/>

It is possible to let our reactions to the bad things simmer on a back burner somewhere. We react to all things, good or bad, emotionally. We are human; it is part of our DNA.

I am not as certain about other generations and how they react but I know I learned at a very early age that reacting emotionally was not always a good thing. As a child growing up there were few displays of emotions; if there were I do not remember them. You learn how to react from the example of your family, in particular your parents. I do remember guilt and I not know if that is a result of displaying emotions or my perception that it was not okay to share them.

We make excuses for bottling up emotions for many reasons. We do not want people to judge us. We do not want to be embarrassed. No one wants to be considered as being weak.

All of these affect pretty much everything we do. Should we let them ? I have been reading some articles (I seem to be doing a lot of that lately) and there appears to be different opinions. Some people think we should just ignore the “bad” things and treat them as if they are not important so why should we think about them.

My personal experience is the opposite and believe me I tried. I just could not get them out of my mind. I would be fine and then something would trigger me and there it was. It made me sad, it was humiliating; how could I have let that happen, why didn’t I stop sooner. I suffered and I did it in silence.

I did not share those feelings with anyone and I wonder now if anyone really knew what I was going through. I was trying to maintain everything in my life but looking back I know that much of what happened during that time was influenced by how I was “dealing” with it.

Others believe we should seek out help and I so wish that I had. I think it is really important to deal with it as soon as possible. I did not have a good support group. There was no one at work that I trusted and I was divorced so I did not have a spouse I could talk to and I was not comfortable talking to family. I wish I had gone to a therapist.

Seeking out professional help is not a bad thing to do and you should not be embarrassed about doing it. They will be non-judgmental in a private setting which will allow you to be more open and honest about your experience and reactions. It is a safe haven.

For me the hardest part of dealing with my bad experiences is forgiving myself. The hours I have spent going over and over them in my mind. The sleep I have lost. The affect it has had on virtually everything in my life and it was because I did not deal with it. I thought I was. If I had brought all my angst out into the open I would have been so much better off. Time lost, feelings hurt and the list goes on.

Now after many years I have arrived at a point where I am more comfortable with it, where I have accepted the feelings and let them go (for the most part). I have decided not to punish myself any longer. I am human and I have made mistakes and I have forgiven myself.

I have also apologized to my children, more than once, and now having written this I will apologize again. Before I die I will again. That is my deepest regret, that I hurt them. My angst should not have been theirs and I know it was.

” There are so many great things in life; why dwell on negativity? ” Zendaya

So what can you do in the future ? Here are some suggestions:

  • Build a support group. A close friend(s), develop a mentor at work or at church. Talk to a professional.
  • Accept your past and deal with it a piece at a time. Do not let it overwhelm you & do not store it away somewhere.
  • Confide in and apologize to any one who may have been affected by your actions and be willing to accept the consequences.
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Make a plan for how you want to move forward and
  • Set goals for how you are going to complete you plan.

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.”

Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

As always thank you for reading my blog. Have a great day !