Posted in Coping, Inspiration, Joy, Life, Personal Development, Positive Thinking

Quote Of The Day

“Our capacity to draw happiness from aesthetic objects or material goods in fact seems critically dependent on our first satisfying a more important range of emotional or psychological needs, among them the need for understanding, for love, expression and respect.” 

Alain De Botton
https://unsplash.com/photos/4bmtMXGuVqo

As always, thank you for stopping by. Have a happy day!

Posted in Excitement, Inspiration, Life, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Success

Quote Of The Day

Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.”

Denis Waitley
Photo by Rosie Kerr on Unsplash

As always, thanks for stopping by. Have a happy day!

Posted in Communication, Motivation, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Self Improvement

How To Recognize Verbal And Emotional Abuse – Do You Know The Signs?

Photo by Kat Love on Unsplash

If someone treats you like crap, just remember that there’s something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don’t go around destroying other human beings.”

Unknown author

Psychological abuse, often called emotional abuse, is characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another person to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Wikipedia

Both Verbal abuse and Emotional abuse are insidious and may not always be easy to recognize. We often hear about Abusive relationships but they usually refer to Physical abuse. Physical abuse is what makes the headlines and what people are arrested for; that is what restraining orders are given for.

If you hear someone talking about their partner and how upset they are, they don’t know what to do and it is so difficult, you may ask what is wrong. When they try to explain it to you it may be difficult for them to express it in such a way that you will understand the trauma they are feeling. Quite often we may not take it seriously.

We may be inclined to think it is just someone having a bad day or going through a “rough patch” in their relationship which will pass by and everything will get better. It is easy for us to give them easy answers telling them it will get better, just give it a little time and then it is over in our mind; we move on. Sadly, we may never ask them about it the next time we see them or talk to them. Sadder yet is they may feel we do not care or they are embarrassed and don’t want to bring it up again.

Even worse is when they do not even realize themselves that anything is wrong. They never mention it, we do not see the effects it is having, and life and the abuse goes on.

When you start a new relationship everyone is on their best behavior.

https://unsplash.com/photos/b7naustT-1E

It is new and exciting. We are happy and we want it to work. It is very difficult to recognize someone who has the tendency to be abusive because they are very good at not showing that side of them when in a new situation. They will usually be on their best behavior when out in public.

” They may, in fact, speak very kind words to you.  And appear nothing but supportive to those around you.  Their covert abuse is administered in small, cunning ways over time.  So the impact is gradual, not fist-to-the-eye immediate.” Augusten Burroughs

As the relationship evolves that is when the abuse will slowly seep into our every day normal activities. Something as simple as not putting a dish in the sink or not putting the cap on the toothpaste is enough to be criticized for. We brush it off and try not to do it again. If we make light of it and make a laughing retort their response will be much stronger and turn it around to blame you. Something like, “Are you making fun of me ? How dare you laugh at me.” “This is serious, do as you’re told; don’t act like a child”.

As time goes by this type of verbal and emotional abuse will continue and get increasingly worse. It will be a progressive, continual process where you become gradually used to it, so much so that we do not even realize it is happening. We may secretly question it once in awhile but quickly brush it aside.

To the person who is being abused, especially long term, they do not truly recognize what has happened. They may not feel well sometimes, have headaches or problems with their overall well being. They may lose interest in doing things they once loved to do, they may lose friendships and not realize why. Things that were important before do not receive the attention they once did. You may lose or gain weight. You may get passed over for a promotion at work because you are no longer able to put in the same quality work effort.

Quite often the abused person ends up losing their self esteem; their self confidence is gone. A once vibrant person who was happy and enjoyed life slowly turns into someone who does not smile and may find it difficult to complete things they once thrived on doing. They may be the happiest, most secure, when they are home and away from other people. Sadly, they will likely feel dependent on the person that is the abuser. That is just what the abuser wants.

“Emotional violence is another kind of abuse … it’s not about words because an emotionally abusive person doesn’t always resort to using the verbal club, but rather the verbal untraceable poison”   – Augusten Burroughs

So how do you recognize that you are in this type of abusive relationship ? How do you end the relationship ?

Sadly, some people will never recognize they are in an abusive relationship. If someone else does not recognize the situation and step in to help them they may live the rest of their life with the same person and the same abuse.

Depending on the type of person you are, or used to be before the abuse, something may happen that makes you realize. It may trigger something inside you that you says’enough is enough”. I cannot live this way any longer.

Maybe you have a child and the abuser starts to abuse the child. You recognize what is happening and understand the effects. You could not see it in yourself but you can see it in your child.

Perhaps someone who cares does recognize that something is wrong. It could be a parent or family member trying to step in to help you. It could be your priest or minister who recognizes that something is wrong and questions you.

When that happens what do you do ? It will be different for each person and it may be a very difficult decision. You may want to try to “fix” it and that is certainly an option but one that should be taken with great care. If you want to fix it you should seek professional help for both people. Both people are broken at this point so they both need to be fixed. You may never know or understand why the person became an abuser and it may not be possible to fix them.

Quite often someone who has been abused long term will be “programmed” to the abuse and will have to guard against entering into another abusive relationship. That is another very good reason to seek professional help. You will need to understand the abuse, the cycle it takes, and the signs to look for. If you see them, you should run as fast a you can to get away from another abusive experience.

Usually, it is better to end the relationship and to do so quickly. Walk away and end all contact. It will be too easy to be drawn back in because the abuser is usually a master manipulator. They will know you well and they will know how to control you. Do not give them that opportunity. You may be fearful; particularly of the abuser. That is normal.

A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass, if you stay you will keep hurting. If you walk away, you will hurt but eventually you will heal.”

Autumn Kohler

Take back control of your life. Move if you have to, change your phone number and all your social media. Talk to your friends and family and tell them, beg them, not to give the abuser any information about you, nothing. Build a new life. Take time, be careful of your choices, and be happy.

You are starting a new chapter in your life and you are the one to decide what you want to do. What activity did you really like to do before ? Maybe you can do that again. Maybe it was something creative, like drawing, or physical, like Yoga. Do that or try something new. Go on vacation; where have you dreamed about going ?

When you are ready to talk about what happened; let it all out and get rid of it; just like throwing out the trash. By doing so you are also building something brand new. You. Maybe you can talk to a support group with other people who have experienced the same thing. Maybe a circle of really good friends, or just one, who you would be comfortable sharing you story. Maybe writing it all down in a journal if you are not ready to talk about it yet.

Be positive. You have an opportunity to rewrite your life. Something that most people will never have, or take the opportunity, to do. You are strong, you are a survivor. Congratulations.

Marc and Angel

As always, Thank You for reading my blog. Have a wonderful day.

This is an updated repost of Recognizing Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Posted in Excitement, Inspiration, Learning, Life, Personal Development, Positive Thinking

Quote Of The Day

It is never too late to be who you might have been”

George Eliot
https://unsplash.com/photos/ukzHlkoz1IE

As always, thanks for stopping by. What do you want to be when your grow up?

Posted in Inspiration, Learning, Motivation, Personal Development, Positive Thinking

Always Dream And Aim High – 7 Tips On How To Be Better Than Yourself

https://unsplash.com/photos/xXiKQ2AavlY

“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”

― William Faulkner

I want to better. I have always felt that way and now at 73 the feeling is even stronger. I want to be smarter than I am now. I want to be more compassionate. I want to be healthier and more physically fit.

The thing is…we should all want to be better at any age and we should always keep looking for ways to improve.

So how do we become better at any age?

Be Open To Change

How many times have you made excuses for not doing something new? It is so easy to say no. We are hesitant about the unknown; even scared.

Sometimes we let someone close to us influence our decisions. They may be scared we will get hurt, either physically or mentally.

I say why not try it. It will build your confidence and increase your knowledge and overall well being.

Learn Something New

We should strive to learn something every day. Read, watch videos and webinars. Learn how to do something you have always been interested in, but always put it off.

Do you like music? Learn to play the piano, the violin or cello. Join a choral group and sing you heart out. Learn a new language; how about sign language?

Join a sports league like volleyball. Go to REI and take a class or how about Home Depot and learn how to use tools to do home improvement.

Volunteer

Now, more than ever, there are people in need. Just think how much better you will feel about yourself if you volunteer to help others.

Join an organization like Habitat for Humanity or a local soup kitchen. Volunteer to drive patients to the hospital for treatments. Deliver for Meals on Wheels. Read to children at the library or to those in the hospital. Visit Nursing Homes and interact with the residents there.

Be Helpful

This is something so easy to do and we can easily ignore. I always hold the door for people and I always smile and say Hi. It is funny though because sometimes when you do that people do not acknowledge it. Do not get angry at the them, which can be an automatic reaction.

Sit in a parking lot sometime and watch people; especially at a grocery store. I see so many people struggle with packages and car doors. Get out of the car, and ask if you can help them. I have done it before. Sometimes they say no, but sometimes they are relieved and very appreciative.

Listen

This is something we all need to be better at. Speaking from experience, it can be very frustrating and demoralizing to be talking and have someone talk over me, or ignore me.

We are all in a hurry and we want our voices heard. Remember to take a moment and listen. Show respect to everyone by letting them have a voice. That includes children, the elderly, the clerk at the store, your co-workers and your spouse.

Be Honest

How do you feel when you are quite sure someone is lying to you, or not telling the whole story, slanting it in their favor?

It is beneficial to you, and everyone you interact with, to be honest. Sometimes it is not easy to explain your feelings and ideas so take your time, think first, and be as open and honest as possible. I always find it easier when I put myself in their shoes; how would you want to be treated?

Let Go Of Resentment

This is a tough one. When you have encountered a negative person, or experience, in the past, you will understand how it feels. It is difficult to let it go. It can affect you for a long time, if you let it.

Letting your resentment fester you are hurting yourself. It is allowing the negative experience hurt you twice. Find a way to let it go and move past it.

Acknowledge what happened, accept it, and move on. Think it through, poke at it a bit, and talk to someone you trust about your feelings. If necessary, talk to a professional to help you move past it.

Make the most of yourself….for that is all there is of you.” 

–Ralph Waldo

As always, thank you for reading my blog. Have a wonderful day.

Posted in Inspiration, Learning, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Potential, Self Improvement

Quote Of The Day

“I didn’t love all of the sketches I made, but I loved the experience of making them. I was present in that moment, paying attention to the world around me. Whether the end result is an artistic success or not, it’s always a worthwhile endeavor.”

~ Miss Mustard Seed
Miss Mustard Seed @ https://missmustardseed.com/

As always, thanks for stopping by. Have a wonderful day.

Posted in Inspiration, Learning, Life, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Potential

What Does It Take To Be Successful? Where Do You See Yourself In The Future?

https://unsplash.com/photos/xu2WYJek5AI

 

“There is a powerful driving force inside every human being that, once unleashed, can make any vision, dream, or desire a reality.”

— Anthony Robbins

So you want to be successful. What does it take to get you from where you are now to where you see yourself in the future?

Being successful takes hard work, and it usually does not happen overnight. You have to take on the daily grind of putting forth your best effort, day in and day out. How long it takes will depend on you. Where are you now? What is your skill set, and what can you do better?

Here are four qualities you will need to move forward on your path to success.

Perseverance

Having perseverance means you will put forth a continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition. When you stick things out even when you face some setbacks, or you become discouraged, you show your strength of character and your persistence.

You will need a clear vision of what you want to achieve. Your vision will help you stay focused and organized.

Work Ethic

What is work ethic? According to Merriam-Webster, work ethic is a belief in work as a moral gooda set of values that are centered on the importance of doing work and reflected primarily in a desire or determination to work hard.

If you have a great work ethic, it will shine through your work performance. An essential part of that is your integrity. It is your ability to work hard and do the right thing while working within a group for the benefit of everyone.

You will be disciplined to follow through, have great focus and dedication to complete the job, and do it well.

Growth Mindset

If you have a growth mindset, you believe that you can develop and strengthen your abilities through dedication and hard work. There is no limit to learning. Hard work, a sustained effort, and persistence are all important, but believing you can continue to learn and become better will add layers to your skillset.

Believing that you can continue to learn and improve is essential and will allow you to become more successful. You do not set roadblocks for yourself, but instead, look for ways to do better the next time. Ask your self what you did that worked, then take it one step further, and ask what can I do next time to do even better.

Never Stop Learning

We are never too old to learn something new. There are new things discovered every day, new technology, new products, better strategies, and ways to do things. To keep our minds sharp, embrace change; do not be afraid to try something new.

Learning changes our brain chemistry, which in turn increases our ability to learn faster. It has been proven it helps prevent dementia. Being active mentally will also give us a positive attitude, increase confidence, and make us happier.

Learning something new makes us more interesting to be around. Our increased knowledge makes us more productive and more valuable as an employee or as an entrepreneur.

Embrace Failure

No one likes to fail, but if we think about it, we realize we learn more from our failures than anything else we do. We can read, attend seminars, watch webinars, and participate in a multitude of learning practices, but what do we gain? Yes, we learn, and we gain from all those experiences, but do we grasp real understanding? Is it ingrained into our brains?

What we gain from failure is a conscious choice. We can choose to view failure as a negative, be fearful, and to avoid failure at all costs because we do not like the way it feels. The better reaction is accepting that we did fail and using it as a learning tool. What did we do wrong, and how do we change it so that it will work in the future?

Where you see yourself in the future and whether you will be successful is up to you. It will depend on your strength of character, your willingness to work hard, and to learn from failure. It requires a strong work ethic and your ability to keep learning and always striving to do better.

Being successful requires being proactive and not waiting for life to come to you. It means you’re on offense, not defense. You’re active, not passive.”

author unknown

As always, thank you for reading my blog. Have a great day!