“Time Is Precious.”~ author unknown
When I originally decided to join the millions of people who blog I was so excited. I wanted to change things up in my life. I was on a mission to re-invigorate myself.
It is not in my nature to do something half way. So, as usual, I started and pushed forward full steam.
Now I am not saying I did everything perfectly because that would be inaccurate. I did everything to the best of my ability with the knowledge that I had.
To be truthful, I had no knowledge of how to start a blog. In some ways it was brutal and a little painful at times. It was definitely frustrating. It still is.
At the beginning of the year I made the decision to take some time off from my blog and writing in general.
I needed to take a step back and decompress. I was putting too much pressure on myself to be the “best”. That did not work.
What I was doing was not working for me. There were many other responsibilities that I was ignoring and I needed to get them done.
I felt like I was being stretched apart too tightly like a rubber band. It felt like I could break if I stretched any further.
The result was feeling deflated. Nothing was making me happy and I definitely was not relaxed. I suppose in some ways you could call me a slightly depressed perfectionist.
So here I am and February is at an end. Have I accomplished everything I needed to do? No, sadly, I have not. There is a dent in it, and that makes me feel somewhat better, but it has not “cured” my discontent.
What I have found is I feel guilty. Now in reality that is pure rubbish. There is no reason for me to feel guilty, but yet I do.
No one is putting pressure on me to do anything. I am placing the pressure on myself.
So I am continuing to put my house in order. When I say “my house” I am referring to me. I have come to understand that I am a perfectionist and I easily feel guilt for not being enough.
There is progress. I have been successful on a good “start” to my goal of reorganizing and ending up with a clean slate, but I am not there yet.
Each day I work on two or three projects and I can see the results and the progress I have made.
The problem is that when I stand back after I have done something I feel good about it, but it is difficult handing onto that feeling for more than a day or two.
When I think of the sum total of what I still have to do I feel overwhelmed. It is ginormous.
So I am trying to keep it all in perspective. I am trying not to judge myself.
There is guilt and there is an emotional side to all of this. I have an understanding of it, but it does not make it easier to push forward through it. I will get there, but I have come to realize that it will not be easy and it will not be overnight.
I cannot just put a big bandage on it and then feel better.
So I know I can get this done and I understand it will take a good long while.
It is so funny because as I go through each day there are these random thoughts and images that flow through of other things I want to do. They entice me and in some weird way make me feel better.
There are many things to look forward to. I just have to get through this first to be able to get to them.
I am not giving up on myself. I am a work in progress.
I am still here working on my goals.
“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.”~ Robert Collier
Thank you so much for reading.