Posted in Coping, Depression, Learning, Life, Motivation, Positive Thinking

Should I Feel Guilty For Taking Time Off?

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“Time Is Precious.”

~ author unknown

When I originally decided to join the millions of people who blog I was so excited. I wanted to change things up in my life. I was on a mission to re-invigorate myself.

It is not in my nature to do something half way. So, as usual, I started and pushed forward full steam.

Now I am not saying I did everything perfectly because that would be inaccurate. I did everything to the best of my ability with the knowledge that I had.

To be truthful, I had no knowledge of how to start a blog. In some ways it was brutal and a little painful at times. It was definitely frustrating. It still is.

At the beginning of the year I made the decision to take some time off from my blog and writing in general.

I needed to take a step back and decompress. I was putting too much pressure on myself to be the “best”. That did not work.

What I was doing was not working for me. There were many other responsibilities that I was ignoring and I needed to get them done.

I felt like I was being stretched apart too tightly like a rubber band. It felt like I could break if I stretched any further.

The result was feeling deflated. Nothing was making me happy and I definitely was not relaxed. I suppose in some ways you could call me a slightly depressed perfectionist.

So here I am and February is at an end. Have I accomplished everything I needed to do? No, sadly, I have not. There is a dent in it, and that makes me feel somewhat better, but it has not “cured” my discontent.

What I have found is I feel guilty. Now in reality that is pure rubbish. There is no reason for me to feel guilty, but yet I do.

No one is putting pressure on me to do anything. I am placing the pressure on myself.

So I am continuing to put my house in order. When I say “my house” I am referring to me. I have come to understand that I am a perfectionist and I easily feel guilt for not being enough.

There is progress. I have been successful on a good “start” to my goal of reorganizing and ending up with a clean slate, but I am not there yet.

Each day I work on two or three projects and I can see the results and the progress I have made.

The problem is that when I stand back after I have done something I feel good about it, but it is difficult handing onto that feeling for more than a day or two.

When I think of the sum total of what I still have to do I feel overwhelmed. It is ginormous.

So I am trying to keep it all in perspective. I am trying not to judge myself.

There is guilt and there is an emotional side to all of this. I have an understanding of it, but it does not make it easier to push forward through it. I will get there, but I have come to realize that it will not be easy and it will not be overnight.

I cannot just put a big bandage on it and then feel better.

So I know I can get this done and I understand it will take a good long while.

It is so funny because as I go through each day there are these random thoughts and images that flow through of other things I want to do. They entice me and in some weird way make me feel better.

There are many things to look forward to. I just have to get through this first to be able to get to them.

I am not giving up on myself. I am a work in progress.

I am still here working on my goals.

 “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.”

~ Robert Collier

Thank you so much for reading.

Posted in Excitement, Inspiration, Life, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Self Improvement

Quote Of The Day

“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.”

~Shauna Niequist, Author
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As always, thanks so much for stopping by. Let’s celebrate!