Posted in Motivation, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Self Improvement

Do Not Give Up On Yourself – “Miss Me More” by Kelsea Ballerini

Lyrics

I retired my red lipstick ’cause you said you didn’t like it
I didn’t wear my high heel shoes
‘Cause I couldn’t be taller than you
I didn’t wanna lose my friends, but now it’s hard to even find them
It’s what you wanted, ain’t it?
It’s what you wanted

I thought I’d miss you (when it ended)
I thought it hurt me (but it didn’t)
I thought I’d miss you
I thought I’d miss you

But I miss me more
I miss my own beat, to my own snare drum
I miss me more
Miss my own sheets in the bed I made up
I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
Yeah, I thought I’d miss you
But I miss me more (I miss me more)

I put on my old records that I hid in the back of the closet
And I turn them up to ten
And then I played them all again
I found my independence
Can’t believe I ever lost it
What you wanted, ain’t it?
It’s what you wanted

I thought I’d miss you (when it ended)
I thought it hurt me (but it didn’t)
I thought I’d miss you
Yeah, I thought I’d miss you. I miss me more.

This song is obviously about a love relationship and I can so relate to it. For years, much too long, I was in a very negative relationship and it was the pits. Worse decision of my life which played over and over in my head after I finally discovered the courage to walk away. I literally moved to the opposite side of the country to get away and to feel safe and secure. Not always having to look over my shoulder, not hear the negative messages on my phone, or have him bother me at work.

The sad thing about most people, especially women, but men do it too, is we let go of who we truly are. We think we love them, we thought we were lonely, we think it will improve, we think we can fix them or help them change. While we are trying to selvage a BAD relationship we are losing bits and pieces of ourselves. We do not realize it but we are the ones changing.

When we do realize, it is just a hopeless mess we do not think we can break away from. We feel frozen in place. I remember laying in bed at night thinking, “Please God help me because I do not think I can do this”. How bad is that ? Here I was a strong, intelligent woman who had accomplished so much and I let someone into my life who was weak and manipulative. Someone who was mean spirited, did not give a hoot about me and my feelings but only for himself and what was in it for him.

We become a shadow of ourselves. We make excuses, we defend our choices to others and to ourselves until finally we realize that we do miss who we were before the relationship. When you walk away you are relieved, you are grateful, you realize you can become who you truly are again. You can move forward. It will not be an easy transition but you can do it.

I do not know of any thing that someone can do to keep themselves from starting a bad relationship. So many people do it. I did, friends and other family members, acquaintances and customers from work, The daughter of the man I had the bad relationship with endured both emotional and physical abuse. Go figure. She grew up with the influence of an emotionally abusive father so she was “primed” to form, and accept, the same type of relationship. When I walked away from her father she let me know she found strength from me and she walked away too.

When we meet someone, we both put on our best appearance, put our best foot forward, we fool ourselves. It does not happen to everyone but it happens to more people then we realize. Emotional abuse is very common and in many ways it is more psychologically harmful than physical abuse.  Emotional abuse is frequent and will occur most, if not, every day. The effects are more harmful because they happen so frequently.

I could not find any current statistics regarding emotional abuse and there appears to be more information regarding the effects of emotional abuse of children. There is more information available for domestic violence. Here is a link to domestic violence statistics from 2018: https://www.socialsolutions.com/blog/domestic-violence-statistics-2018/

According to an article in Healthline these are some of the effects of emotional abuse. The first thing we will do is deny that we are in an abusive relationship.

Short term effects we may experience:

  • Confusion
  • Fear
  • Hopelessness
  • Shame

Long term effects include:

  • Anxiety
  • Chronic pain
  • Guilt
  • Insomnia
  • Social withdrawal
  • Loneliness

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-emotional-abuse

I experienced most of these effects; I did not experience chronic pain but I did experience feelings of not being well. I felt sick and thought something was wrong but it was difficult to express exactly how I felt or understand what was really wrong.

If you find your self in an abusive relationship what can you do to leave ?

  • Make the decision to leave and make the commitment to actually do it.
  • Enlist the help of friends and family.
  • Make a clean, quick, break. Do not hesitate or be wishy-washy, do not try to be friends. Do not get sucked back in, do not feel like you have to help the other person. You are not responsible for them.
  • Keep busy, find something else to do. Think about what made you happy before this relationship, what was you favorite activity, what did you do with friends. What have you dreamed of doing.
  • Reestablish your friendships. Make new friends but do not rush into a new romantic relationship.
  • Take the time to heal and to know yourself again.

You deserve more, you deserve the best, so do not settle for less.

As always, Thank You for reading my blog. Have a great day.

Author:

Moving Forward.....that is what this blog is about and adjusting my Time Frame. We all have a time frame although we may acknowledge, or look at our life that way, but life is our own personal time frame. I am in my early 70's and I plan on living for many more years and in that time accomplish many things. So this blog is the beginning of that process. It is my way of pushing myself along that path. So where do I go from here ? Follow along and maybe what I do will help you to Move Forward as well.

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