Definition: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage
So Envy is a bad thing right ? Yes, it is. We are taught from a young age that we should not be envious of what someone else says or does or what they have. When someone gets a new bike, a skateboard, a new doll or a really pretty dress we immediately want one. That is envy.
How about at school when you are trying really hard to be recognized by your favorite teacher but you think someone else is getting all the attention and praise ? The feeling you get really sucks doesn’t it ? That is called envy.
Is it normal to feel envy ? I would say yes it is. It is almost an automatic reaction. How can you not be envious when you think someone has something you want or gets what you feel is unfair attention. “Me, what about me” you are saying over and over.
So what does envy do to you, or for you ? First, it makes us unhappy; we are not happy when someone else has what we want. It also makes us feel inadequate; why can’t we do that ? It can make us feel inferior.
Why should they have that and not me. We think in negative terms about the other person and about ourselves as well. You hope the other person will lose the object they received or it gets damaged. Maybe the ability they have will dwindle or they will lose it completely. If Only !
As we get older and mature hopefully we will come to understand our feelings. We will recognize envy for what it is and understand it is not a good emotion or behavior. When we realize we are envious we should be able to dissect our feelings and let go of the envy. Our self esteem will be affected by it if we cannot.
How do we use our feelings for the better ? First, look at the person you are envious of. What is it exactly that is causing you to be envious ? Is it a skill they have ? The way they look, speak or dress ? Something they own ? Do they have more knowledge ? Do they have better writing skills or speaking ability ?
For me, just thinking about it would not be enough. I am able to process most anything better by writing it all down, looking at it and maybe rearranging or crossing things out. It helps to get to the heart of the matter and discard what we realize is just frivolous.
Once you have done that, study it and decide what you could do to move forward. Just because someone else has a skill or ability that you either do not have, or are not as proficient at, does not make the other person “better” than you.
So now what ? I see this as a growth opportunity. No reason to continue feeling envious. Do something about it. Do something to increase your ability, your skill set. You think they have better writing skills, take a writing class. There are many on line classes available such as:
Better speaking skills ? You guessed it, take a class. There are many free classes you can use:
The way you dress has been proven over and over again. People will judge you as you walk into the room.
“The first thing others see is YOU—not your resume, background, or credentials. A picture is truly worth a thousand words and how you dress is the “picture” you provide for all the world to see.”
― Susan C. Young, The Art of Preparation: 8 Ways to Plan with Purpose & Intention for Positive Impact
Dressing for success can be expensive but it does not have to be. Where you shop and what you buy can make all the difference.
Each of us is human and we each have our own set of issues. Life does not come with instructions and most of us learn from the examples of our parents and teachers; right or wrong. The great thing is that we can change. We can learn and we can improve. We do not have to accept the status quo, we can move forward to a better life.
We will have bumps along the way; that is just the way it is. But we can learn from them. Do you have envy toward someone ? Then use it to become better. Use it as a opportunity to learn new skills and to improve your life.
Truth be told we will always feel envy toward someone. It is a human response to what is perceived as something being unfair. It may indeed actually be unfair and there may not be a way to “fix” it.
If we are envious and we come to the conclusion that there is nothing that can be done then what do we do ? I think it is important to just accept it. If you can’t it will drive you bonkers. It will create stress and anxiety which in turn could lead to health issues. Let it go. Get help, if necessary, to work you way through it.
To make it easier accepting that you cannot change the situation try to change your focus. Think about what you do have and what you are capable of doing. Ask yourself if what the other person has or does is really what you want or need. If you could be a duplicate of the other person would that really make you happy ? Not likely.
Relax, be happy. Lead a life of gratitude for what you do have and always strive to improve. I would call that a good life.
As always, thank you for reading my blog. Have a wonderful day.