I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.
Under Construction, have you ever felt this way ?
Absolutely ! I bet you have and I know that I have. But when you think about it each of us is under construction; in one stage or another. We may not realize, or acknowledge it, but I believe it to be true.
Humans are sort of like that onion we have heard about where when you peel away a layer and sometimes we cry. We do build ourselves in layers, a little bit at a time. Sometimes the layers we build may be defective or might not fit.
Life is always in flux. We may have a perfect, or near perfect, life or we may have any variation of what would be called a not so perfect life. Good or bad there will be ups and downs and there are always ways to improve ourselves and our lives.
If our lives are moving along smoothly with no major problems it is easy and normal to just accept, enjoy and go with the flow. But I think it is also in our DNA to strive to be better and to dream about more. The definition of “more” may be different for each one of us.
My definition of “more” has changed as I have moved along my path in life. Childhood into adulthood, single, working, marriage, children, divorce, then work again. Raising children as a single parent and working hard to move ahead at work, going to college while working, getting promotions. Striving to better myself and give my children a good life. Weaving in relationships, the ho-hum, the very bad and then finally the good. A new marriage, moving and moving again. Retirement from working for a company.
Relationships with my children through all this and, yes, they did survive, as did I. Were they affected by everything that happened to me and how I handled it? Yes, they were. When we are in the moment of something, especially the negatives, we do not always think of how it is effecting our family, or our friends or our work. Everything can be affected; we just may not realize it at the time. That is not a good thing.
I am lucky and have wonderful children, now wonderful grandchildren and the joy they bring. I have a Wonderful Family. They sustain me.
What I am attempting to say is that life is a never changing event. Sometimes there are negatives. There may be the unexpected events that happen like losing a job or a health problem. Sometimes there are positives, like getting that promotion or getting a good pay increase. Sometimes there are those wondrous events like the birth of your children and grandchildren; loving someone who loves you back.
None of these things are guaranteed and most take a good deal of effort. So how do we make it all easier because sometimes it can be overwhelming. There will be highs and there will be lows and sometimes the highs will be just as difficult to cope with as the lows. Life can be an emotional roller coaster and we may not be prepared for all it gives us.
Hopefully when either a high or a low in our life happens we will have a supportive family and circle of friends. Someone who will celebrate the highs and help us keep centered and who will also listen and be there to help us when there are lows. That unit of support is so important. If you are religious then turning to your faith and talking to a member of the clergy/priest, minister, rabbi, etc. is also a good option.
I am going to reference an article I read that really brought one thing home to me. For some reason I had forgotten how this felt, finally. The article was written by Anna Hlavsova and the article name is “Highs and Lows Are Part of Life”. In the first paragraph she writes,
“If you are like the majority of humans, then your coping strategies are likely to include avoiding the actual experience. Distracting or rationalizing is a common way to stop feeling what you are feeling”.
The complete article can be found here: <https://thriveglobal.com/stories/highs-and-lows-are-part-of-life/>
It is so easy to try to avoid the pain of the actual experience. We can look at it any which way, and believe me, you will, but that is the worst thing you can do. It will fester, it will hurt and you are just expanding it’s control over you. Do Not Let That Happen.
In reality, what hurts you the most may be your own fault and no one wants to accept that. No, no, no, it was because of this or that, but somewhere along the way you made a decision. That decision probably lead to another and another that were not going to work out, were not going to help you, and somewhere inside you knew it, or should have, and but you did them anyway.
As fast as you can take a deep breath and start looking at what happened and dissect it. It will not be easy and this is where you need that support group. Sit down and wrap their compassion around you like a blanket and talk and maybe cry and/or scream, but Get It Out. If you do not it will be with you for years; trust me. In some way, large or small, it will affect everything you do. You will may feel incompetent, you definitely will lose some, or all, of the confidence you have worked so hard to achieve. You will question yourself over and over and you will lose a lot of sleep. I cannot tell you how important this is. Seek Help. Your friends and family may not be enough so consider a professional. Wow, I did not start out intending to say, or share, all of that but as you might be able to tell I did go through this and it was not pleasant so it was worth sharing.
Read Anna Hlavsova’s article it is very good. From <https://thriveglobal.com/stories/highs-and-lows-are-part-of-life/
I think we all have a little voice inside that sometimes will whisper to us and we should listen. That is an opportune time to reflect and question before we totally commit to what we are doing.
So, we are under construction. When you build a house we look for a house plan we really like and then we hire a professional to build it for us. We are putting in a good amount of effort to gives us the best outcome. We should be doing the same thing with building the best us.
How do we do that ? Well, we can make a good plan and we should look for the best information and/or people to help us. Think about what happens at school or work. We read and gain knowledge and we listen to instructors and take classes. We learn and we expand our knowledge. There is structure to all of this and there should be in our life as well.
We should have a plan and we should have a set of goals. They should be your goals, not someone else’s. Set a goal for what you want to do, what you really want in your life. Then break that goal down into steps; those steps are what you will follow to get to that goal. Each goal will require taking different steps. Start with the easiest step and then move on to the next. The nice thing is as you accomplish one step you will gain some confidence and it will be easier to move on to the next step.
Realize that it will not happen as quickly as you would like. It will take time and effort just like building a house. In the long run I believe we are all better off when we give ourselves time. Make a plan, do the first step and then give your self time to assimilate what you have just done and how it has positively affected you. Be sure to keep going though and take the next step.
Going back to your support group. Talk to someone you value as a friend and let them know what you are doing and ask them to help you keep on track. It will make you feel more committed to your plan. If no one knows it is really easy to just stop. If you have someone who you trust and admire at work ask them to be a mentor and to give you guidance.
Write it all down. I do this all the time and it helps to be able to see it, read it and make adjustments if necessary. It will help you stay focused. It is also a way to make you responsible; you made the plan and you are the only one who can complete it. Own It.
As you are working toward your goals be aware that there may be some ups and downs. You may reach some obstacles or roadblocks; something that holds you back. Be prepared for that and understand that it happens. Be kind to your self and realize that you are not the only one this happens to. Do some assessment of your habits and how you might improve those as well to make it easier.
Make a schedule that you can follow and look at it everyday. Schedule in time for each step of your plan. It is too easy to say I know I have time to do that tomorrow, then tomorrow comes and you realize you really don’t. Feeling rushed to complete something creates pressure and that leads to stress. Your schedule should be realistic and it should always include personal time. Be sure to include time to enjoy yourself.
As you progress you should also take time to step away and reward your self. Buy something that you may have really wanted for a long time, go to a concert, go away for the weekend, or just plan a special day for your family or a friend. Listen to music, read a book. Give your self quiet time. Congratulate yourself for Moving forward !
In all of my blog posts I try to bring a mixture of my thoughts and experiences and I also do research and read other people’s blogs and read articles. In this post I looked at many and I like to give credit to those people. My favorite for this post was by Anna Hlavsova and the article name is “Highs and Lows Are Part of Life” which I have already noted. I also read https://www.verywellmind.com/the-healthiest-approach-to-self-improvement-4172573 which I also enjoyed and felt was worthwhile reading. Also http://briankim.net/articles/deal-highs-lows-life/ and https://thriveglobal.com/stories/highs-and-lows-are-part-of-life/.
You will find there are common threads in each article but each brings a slightly different perspective. We are all different so reading different articles is always a good idea. You may find something in one or all that is helpful.
It’s a New Day And A New Beginning. Go For It.
“Planning is important. But the doing is even more so. You can have the perfect plan, but if you never set it in motion it doesn’t matter how good of a plan you have. Rather take one step at a time, and you find yourself amazed.” John Pa